Nailed To Obscurity Opaque 1. iNnerMe Something is hiding deep within my heart Something strong Trying to tear me apart A darker side - Impossible to ignore Like a defect in my central core A nature inside An arrant villain Forsaken and inborn Through constant pressure It wants to come out To reign my actions Out of the blue A sence of blind fury Is taking over me I lose control The voice inside Becomes the shout outside I lose control The force inside Becomes the knock outside I lose control Become the host For my own worst enemy The enemy The innerme It get out of hand - I split in two My alter ego - It comes alive And starts to act against my will I can't resist the innerme There are two sides to every story Two facets - One's chary, one's glory The more I battle - The more I choke The more I seem to just provoke Something lives in me which I can't see but feel Never fading It's my everlasting ordeal A nature inside A constant escort - Teasing forevermore There are two sides to every story Two facets - One's chary, one's glory My darker side - Impossible to ignore An inherent part of my central core 2. Torn to Shreds Passing emotions lead us to Places so far in the past Encounters, persons, themes That means so much to us Everytime when go there It's different again New shades appear - The old fades away Nuances chance our view Sometimes darkness - Sometimes light Day becomes the blackest light When present and memory collide We sway the unwritten past A complicated quest just to find The desired peace of mind Invisible wounds Opened wide Aversion turns into glorification Hate turns into an indefinable kind of love Will we ever forgive? Will we ever forget? Looking at it in retrospect Do we regret It's just a matter of our view A matter of our mood Unfixable, unchanceable Yet impermanent A place inside our heads Chaotic and full of shreds Shreds of yesteryear That won't disappear Dismembered and put together Consistence - Tough as a feather Lightweight but there to stay Though details fade away Though details fade away The unwritten past We sway We sway the unwritten past Passing emotions lead us to Places so far in the past Encounters, persons, themes That means so much to us Sometimes clarity - Sometimes blur The here and now - A saboteur Manipulating the scene No chance to intervene Everytime when go there It's different again New shades appear - The old fades away Nuances chance our view Aversion turns into glorification Hate turns into an indefinable kind of love 3. Mythomania My mind, my emotions, my whole being Disturbed reflections The agitated black surface conceals the truth The sole thing I see Is the beclouded contour of something that has been Becoming the pariah of a world full of mythomaniacs Lying to myself, lying to my so-called "friends" And listen to lies over and over again Without respite I became a shadow of my former self A stranger to the light A stranger to my life My burning desire is to escape How can a system on lies form such a strong foundation? Many end in depression but no one answers to their prayers Nobody cares - Nobody dares to face the truth Mythomania - Symptom of a sickness world No longer will I accept this chimera as a basis for my life I want to live again - I want to be free once again I was born free and Ended up as a serf A serf to falsehood Habitual liar Where is the naivety I once had as a child When my desire for esteem Pulled the rug out from under me? Decay of my system Foundation gets lost A fragile construction Will never persist Now I am the pariah - A stranger to your life Breaking the habit - Yearning for the light Foreign in a dying world I'm the antimessiah Prior to spend time In building a life Based on true dedication I followed judas' way I kept the distance As long as I could This shell of dishonesty Will mask myself no more I'm caught in mythomania - More than just dystopia How can I escape from this grim, false and devious place? Turn back the wheel - The wheel of time Return to the age Where it once began! 4. Murder of Crows It's winter - So grey and bare Alone like all the others here Dead eyes, grave-like cold Stronghold - Day of mourning Day of farewell Just too fast - Just too soon Remembrance forever engraved By the lonesome long of the crows Faces come and go But I can't head for this Never felt like this before Unbearable pain inside Thoughts I can't suppress Thoughts of helplessness Clouded - Unfair - Why? No one really knows Eternal winter - So grey and bare Familiar faces - Empty shades Dead eyes, grave-like cold Stronghold of solitude Invisible trauma - Unseen fears I can hardly hide my tears Remembrance forever engraved This song I'll never forget I knew that it would come to pass But I've never been able to picture The blackest day of my life Everything that's left is the lonesome song of the crows 5. In Vain Anonymity guides us through Days so grey and cold - Into obscurity We're all of of a kind - Obsolete We feel useless and old But we carry on Struggling for acceptance Begging for tolerance Without any result Always feeling like We're the dysfunction Of our environment Of our own existence One by one we fall Into oblivion It's just another step Into nothingness And things we endure Lead us closer to the edge The edge of a deep abyss When it comes down to it, it was all in vain So careless - So ruthless Inconsiderate Without any result And can we ever change Can we ever abandon This fatal situation - Escape from the scourge One in a billion - left alone Here to perish - Born to die Sentence of death Birth starts our life - Death ends our life Yet nothing happens in between Hypnotized by a perennial strife - An infinite trap Which end is nowhere to be seen After all we carry on Still struggling for acceptance Still begging for tolerance Without any result Always sensing the malady The dullness of life Unaware of the antidote That could be the cure One by one we fall Into oblivion It's just another step Into nothingness And things we endure Lead us closer to the edge The edge of a deep abyss When it comes down to it, it was all in vain 6. On the Verge of Collapse I am the witness of a depraved society On and on - Just trying to be complete Imprisoned - Caught in a web Surrounded by strings, trying to be something else Countless human lifes passing by All the beloved - All the hated fade away Is it worth to waste your own life? What is no more has never been There are many reasons to say "goodbye" We can make it better - We can make it worse We already failed if we don't try We better fight for what we believe Than being mastered by marionettes It lies in our hands what we receive It lies in our hands what we get Even if we stand On the verge of collapse We are standing in the rain On the verge of collapse Blackened clouds are gathering On the verge of collapse Never surrender - Never give in On the verge of collapse We should stray from course of pain 7. Sealed Though my bloodshot eyes I look at my altar of grief and despair A progeny of misdemeanor Pen and paper are my hands To write the anguish down All the words that I buried in my heart Incapable to tell a soul Even as they hurt me like a blade I stood the tirade Even as sorrow turned to agony I didn't give my testimony Distressed and upset, I hit rock bottom However my lips were sealed Sealed with ridiculous subterfuges I turned into my own sacrifice To free me from this burden This letter is written to no one No one but myself This is my catharsis Cure from my disease Destroying the malignant growth That bothered me so long Words I couldn't speak Words from within my heart Able to tear me apart Hagridden by the inner urge To express what nobody's meant to know All the words that I buried in my heart Incapable to tell a soul Even as they hurt me like a blade I stood the tirade Even as sorrow turned to agony I didn't give my testimony All my distress - All the tears That no one saw in all those years Behind a mask - I hid my fears How can I clarify my soul from those memories Without losing face - Being judged for these? This is my catharsis Cure from my disease Destroying the malignant growth That bothered me so long Words I couldn't speak Words from within my heart 8. Drift So many scars on my soul Lest I forget They pain and bleed Remind of my failures Is there just one path In my life before the death? Will it lead me to the ultimate goal? Did I work the switches wrong? Forks in the road I plod along Aimlessly drifting - Just to go on Drifting alone into the unknown I accepted my fate But I've been silent for too long now My flesh is tired My life has gone so long time ago I accepted that life Is a loathsome mess Who can lead Me out of this? Lead me through the dark Onto the forgotten path Left-behind in misery Lonesomeness - Oppressing me Echoes of pain - Obsessing my brain A malady to go insane Cannot move on I am lost within Who can lead Me out of this Life of wickedness? To the light at the end Just another try To unleash myself Navigation failed No way out There is just one path In my life before the death But there is no ultimate goal All the forks in the road All the switched I can't avoid Aimlessly drifting just to go on Drifting alone into the unknown 9. Opaque Revealing my true self would make me vulnerable I keep hiding behind this mask Not anybody can see my facial features Not anybody can read my lips Opaque, sable, intransparent - My impervious lips The attack from outside won't ever strike me Nonrelevant intrinsic values Collapsing breaker on the sease of wrath Not anybody can see beneath the surface Not anybody can read my soul Opaque, sable, intransparent - My impervious lips The attack from outside won't ever hurt me Winds of throes - Inwardly streaming Severe tempest behind my opaque mask A lonely spot for a solitary man I avoid bad company Guarding my inner sanctum jealous If I have to stay alone - I stand this loneliness Feelings, emotions, thoughts, departed events Shrouding them, bury them Deep inside I feel the tears I can't cry Like toxic waste that won't go away My mask, my guardian, my protection, my plague Always staying at my sight Guarding my inner sactum jeulously Opaque, sable, intransparent - My impervious cover