Nailed To Obscurity
Opaque
1. iNnerMe
Something is hiding deep within my heart
Something strong
Trying to tear me apart
A darker side - Impossible to ignore
Like a defect in my central core
A nature inside
An arrant villain
Forsaken and inborn
Through constant pressure
It wants to come out
To reign my actions
Out of the blue
A sence of blind fury
Is taking over me
I lose control
The voice inside
Becomes the shout outside
I lose control
The force inside
Becomes the knock outside
I lose control
Become the host
For my own worst enemy
The enemy
The innerme
It get out of hand - I split in two
My alter ego - It comes alive
And starts to act against my will
I can't resist the innerme
There are two sides to every story
Two facets - One's chary, one's glory
The more I battle - The more I choke
The more I seem to just provoke
Something lives in me which I can't see but feel
Never fading
It's my everlasting ordeal
A nature inside
A constant escort - Teasing forevermore
There are two sides to every story
Two facets - One's chary, one's glory
My darker side - Impossible to ignore
An inherent part of my central core
2. Torn to Shreds
Passing emotions lead us to
Places so far in the past
Encounters, persons, themes
That means so much to us
Everytime when go there
It's different again
New shades appear - The old fades away
Nuances chance our view
Sometimes darkness - Sometimes light
Day becomes the blackest light
When present and memory collide
We sway the unwritten past
A complicated quest just to find
The desired peace of mind
Invisible wounds
Opened wide
Aversion turns into glorification
Hate turns into an indefinable kind of love
Will we ever forgive?
Will we ever forget?
Looking at it in retrospect
Do we regret
It's just a matter of our view
A matter of our mood
Unfixable, unchanceable
Yet impermanent
A place inside our heads
Chaotic and full of shreds
Shreds of yesteryear
That won't disappear
Dismembered and put together
Consistence - Tough as a feather
Lightweight but there to stay
Though details fade away
Though details fade away
The unwritten past
We sway
We sway the unwritten past
Passing emotions lead us to
Places so far in the past
Encounters, persons, themes
That means so much to us
Sometimes clarity - Sometimes blur
The here and now - A saboteur
Manipulating the scene
No chance to intervene
Everytime when go there
It's different again
New shades appear - The old fades away
Nuances chance our view
Aversion turns into glorification
Hate turns into an indefinable kind of love
3. Mythomania
My mind, my emotions, my whole being
Disturbed reflections
The agitated black surface conceals the truth
The sole thing I see
Is the beclouded contour of something that has been
Becoming the pariah of a world full of mythomaniacs
Lying to myself, lying to my so-called "friends"
And listen to lies over and over again
Without respite
I became a shadow of my former self
A stranger to the light
A stranger to my life
My burning desire is to escape
How can a system on lies form such a strong foundation?
Many end in depression but no one answers to their prayers
Nobody cares - Nobody dares to face the truth
Mythomania - Symptom of a sickness world
No longer will I accept this chimera as a basis for my life
I want to live again - I want to be free once again
I was born free and
Ended up as a serf
A serf to falsehood
Habitual liar
Where is the naivety
I once had as a child
When my desire for esteem
Pulled the rug out from under me?
Decay of my system
Foundation gets lost
A fragile construction
Will never persist
Now I am the pariah - A stranger to your life
Breaking the habit - Yearning for the light
Foreign in a dying world
I'm the antimessiah
Prior to spend time
In building a life
Based on true dedication
I followed judas' way
I kept the distance
As long as I could
This shell of dishonesty
Will mask myself no more
I'm caught in mythomania - More than just dystopia
How can I escape from this grim, false and devious place?
Turn back the wheel - The wheel of time
Return to the age
Where it once began!
4. Murder of Crows
It's winter - So grey and bare
Alone like all the others here
Dead eyes, grave-like cold
Stronghold - Day of mourning
Day of farewell
Just too fast - Just too soon
Remembrance forever engraved
By the lonesome long of the crows
Faces come and go
But I can't head for this
Never felt like this before
Unbearable pain inside
Thoughts I can't suppress
Thoughts of helplessness
Clouded - Unfair - Why?
No one really knows
Eternal winter - So grey and bare
Familiar faces - Empty shades
Dead eyes, grave-like cold
Stronghold of solitude
Invisible trauma - Unseen fears
I can hardly hide my tears
Remembrance forever engraved
This song I'll never forget
I knew that it would come to pass
But I've never been able to picture
The blackest day of my life
Everything that's left is the lonesome song of the crows
5. In Vain
Anonymity guides us through
Days so grey and cold - Into obscurity
We're all of of a kind - Obsolete
We feel useless and old
But we carry on
Struggling for acceptance
Begging for tolerance
Without any result
Always feeling like
We're the dysfunction
Of our environment
Of our own existence
One by one we fall
Into oblivion
It's just another step
Into nothingness
And things we endure
Lead us closer to the edge
The edge of a deep abyss
When it comes down to it, it was all in vain
So careless - So ruthless
Inconsiderate
Without any result
And can we ever change
Can we ever abandon
This fatal situation - Escape from the scourge
One in a billion - left alone
Here to perish - Born to die
Sentence of death
Birth starts our life - Death ends our life
Yet nothing happens in between
Hypnotized by a perennial strife - An infinite trap
Which end is nowhere to be seen
After all we carry on
Still struggling for acceptance
Still begging for tolerance
Without any result
Always sensing the malady
The dullness of life
Unaware of the antidote
That could be the cure
One by one we fall
Into oblivion
It's just another step
Into nothingness
And things we endure
Lead us closer to the edge
The edge of a deep abyss
When it comes down to it, it was all in vain
6. On the Verge of Collapse
I am the witness of a depraved society
On and on - Just trying to be complete
Imprisoned - Caught in a web
Surrounded by strings, trying to be something else
Countless human lifes passing by
All the beloved - All the hated fade away
Is it worth to waste your own life?
What is no more has never been
There are many reasons to say "goodbye"
We can make it better - We can make it worse
We already failed if we don't try
We better fight for what we believe
Than being mastered by marionettes
It lies in our hands what we receive
It lies in our hands what we get
Even if we stand
On the verge of collapse
We are standing in the rain
On the verge of collapse
Blackened clouds are gathering
On the verge of collapse
Never surrender - Never give in
On the verge of collapse
We should stray from course of pain
7. Sealed
Though my bloodshot eyes
I look at my altar of grief and despair
A progeny of misdemeanor
Pen and paper are my hands
To write the anguish down
All the words that I buried in my heart
Incapable to tell a soul
Even as they hurt me like a blade
I stood the tirade
Even as sorrow turned to agony
I didn't give my testimony
Distressed and upset, I hit rock bottom
However my lips were sealed
Sealed with ridiculous subterfuges
I turned into my own sacrifice
To free me from this burden
This letter is written to no one
No one but myself
This is my catharsis
Cure from my disease
Destroying the malignant growth
That bothered me so long
Words I couldn't speak
Words from within my heart
Able to tear me apart
Hagridden by the inner urge
To express what nobody's meant to know
All the words that I buried in my heart
Incapable to tell a soul
Even as they hurt me like a blade
I stood the tirade
Even as sorrow turned to agony
I didn't give my testimony
All my distress - All the tears
That no one saw in all those years
Behind a mask - I hid my fears
How can I clarify my soul from those memories
Without losing face - Being judged for these?
This is my catharsis
Cure from my disease
Destroying the malignant growth
That bothered me so long
Words I couldn't speak
Words from within my heart
8. Drift
So many scars on my soul
Lest I forget
They pain and bleed
Remind of my failures
Is there just one path
In my life before the death?
Will it lead me to the ultimate goal?
Did I work the switches wrong?
Forks in the road I plod along
Aimlessly drifting - Just to go on
Drifting alone into the unknown
I accepted my fate
But I've been silent for too long now
My flesh is tired
My life has gone so long time ago
I accepted that life
Is a loathsome mess
Who can lead
Me out of this?
Lead me through the dark
Onto the forgotten path
Left-behind in misery
Lonesomeness - Oppressing me
Echoes of pain - Obsessing my brain
A malady to go insane
Cannot move on
I am lost within
Who can lead
Me out of this
Life of wickedness?
To the light at the end
Just another try
To unleash myself
Navigation failed
No way out
There is just one path
In my life before the death
But there is no ultimate goal
All the forks in the road
All the switched I can't avoid
Aimlessly drifting just to go on
Drifting alone into the unknown
9. Opaque
Revealing my true self would make me vulnerable
I keep hiding behind this mask
Not anybody can see my facial features
Not anybody can read my lips
Opaque, sable, intransparent - My impervious lips
The attack from outside won't ever strike me
Nonrelevant intrinsic values
Collapsing breaker on the sease of wrath
Not anybody can see beneath the surface
Not anybody can read my soul
Opaque, sable, intransparent - My impervious lips
The attack from outside won't ever hurt me
Winds of throes - Inwardly streaming
Severe tempest behind my opaque mask
A lonely spot for a solitary man
I avoid bad company
Guarding my inner sanctum jealous
If I have to stay alone - I stand this loneliness
Feelings, emotions, thoughts, departed events
Shrouding them, bury them
Deep inside I feel the tears I can't cry
Like toxic waste that won't go away
My mask, my guardian, my protection, my plague
Always staying at my sight
Guarding my inner sactum jeulously
Opaque, sable, intransparent - My impervious cover
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